Guess who’s back…and 4?!!

Yep, he is. Knoah is 4 years old today! I can hardly believe it! I mean, he’s just grown up out of nowhere….

Everytime I turn around, he’s changing more and more. Everytime I turn around, something else is changing.

Life. A never-ending cycle of changes, expected and unexpected. To re-cap, August…something marked the month my divorce was final. It was a long, rough road, but I emerged stronger, clearer and more understanding. Some may wonder what happened, other’s know the story, or at least my half of the story.

Married life was rough going, especially the last few years. The more I seemed to try, the more I seemed to feel like I was slapped in the face. I admit, I made mistakes. I am not perfect. No one is, but being married is a series of comprimises and understandings. I never thought life would turn out the way it has, I thought I would live a “normal” exsistence…but “What is Normal? right….

I filed for divorce in January of 2010. Several things came to light over the course of the last few months, things that would test anyone’s patience, trust and faith. I had decided I couldn’t do it anymore. See, about 6 years ago, my ex had made friends with a women named Paula. I, placing full faith in him, believing this friendship was just that, a friendship, soon realized there was more that met the eye. In May 2005 I confronted him flat out and asked if he was having an affair with Paula. He said “no”, “don’t be silly” etc and on I moved on. However, it was not without several run-ins with Paula. She “worked” with my ex, this was only because he brought her into his place of employment. I had to swallow whatever doubt I had and live with the fact, they “worked” together.

March 2006…I’m pregnant with Knoah.

*CONFESSION* In my earliest blog posts, you may recall me remarking how upset I was that I was pregnant. Well, it wasn’t because I didn’t want another child. It was because I felt that I was “stupid”. Here I was, pregnant with my then husband’s child, I believed he was/had an affair and I sat pregnant. Yeah, I was NOT HAPPY.

I started having complications with the pregnancy and in November 2006, Knoah was born. He ended up being one of the 3 single greatest things to happen in my life.

Fast forward a few years, Will loses his job, the same job he worked with Paula at, the same Paula that was in the building the day he was fired. We end up losing the house and moved. In 2009, the marriage started taking it;s downward spiral and there was a series of issues which lead me to ask Will to move out. We, as a family went to New York for the Little People of America Convention. I, was hoping this would help bring us closer, it instead lead us further apart. August 4, was our 12 year Anniversary. On August 12, 2009, Will confessed he did infact have an affair with Paula. Now, during all this, Paula ended up moving away, Oklahoma and she was out of our lives or so I thought.

It came to light that Will and Paula had re-connected and had been re-kindling their relationship through email and telephone.

I had had it. Enough was enough. I basically called Paula and told her if she wanted my husband she could have him and the day after Christmas, I told Will I wanted a divorce.

Life in those first few months we stressful. Will wasn’t making the best decisions. He totalled the family vehicle and on March 14, 2010, during a visitation pick-up, he assaulted me and broke my wrist. Whatever can be said. It was an accident, he didn’t mean it, whatever. It does not change the fact that he laid hands on me and caused me physical harm. I filed a police report and he was charged.

This is the gist of the story, obviously, there a ton more, but why re-hash it, ya  know. I never, again claimed to be perfect and before something else is said about not giving the full story, yes, I too had had an affair in the early part of our marriage. No excuses. It was wrong. I was 24 and it hurt a lot of people. Lesson learned.

Today, I am seeing someone. He is sweet, caring, gentle and above all, cares for me. The kids are handling everything the best thay can and with Christmas coming, thier biggest complaint is “Christmas is going to SUCK” because they know mom doesn’t have a lot of money to go all out for presents, but I don’t think they will be too heartbroken, I have done the best I could.

Will, I have learned, is in a serious relationship. He is facing some big life changes and “unexpected, unplanned” surprises…

I wish him nothing but the best and a lifetime of happiness as he faces this new chapter in his life. I just hope the new family doesn’t replace the three kids he already has.

So, there it is. I guess if you wanted to know something you can ask, no saying I will give you an answer, but it will help me to clarify any lingering questions one may end up having.

Ok then…guess I will go now…Knoah has to get ready for pre-school…hehe!