The question of the ages. What is normal? I thought I knew less than a year ago. I thought, just like everyone else, I wanted a normal life. Fast forward, to today. I have normal. I now know normal what is, it is a thought. A wish. A fleeting idea in this world we try to understand.

August 29, 2006 was an average day in my life. I had a doctor’s appointment for an ultrasound. I was almost 28 weeks into our pregnancy. Things were going well up to this point. The morning sickness was gone, I had that ever sought after Hollywood “baby bump”, I was feeling good. My appointment went well until I said “I am not feeling him as often, but I figure it is because he is getting bigger.” My daughter was 9lbs 6 ozs, so I was mentally prepared for a HUGE baby. I waited for the ultasound tech to come get me. I was excited, I was going to see my baby again!

The ultrasound tech came a lead me to the room, I laid down and they started to exam. A usual scan took about 10-15 mintues. This time after 20 minutes, the tech looked at me and said, “I have to speak with the doctor, I’ll be back.” You’ll be back? I wondered what was wrong. Then I had the doctor, the nurse and the ultrasound tech. They were going back and forth. Move over here, let me see this, measure that. After 45 minutes, the doctor told me they were going to send me to another hospital for a level two ultrasound. When I questioned why, they simply said, the baby is not growing normally.

My mind went blank. What is wrong with the baby? I sat in that room for another 20 minutes before I saw another person. I was upset. I wanted someone to hug me and tell me I was dreaming. I wanted someone to tell me they made a mistake. A week later we found out it was not mistake. Something was wrong.

My normal is no longer, just different.